I wish it was different.

The first time i had seen you i was left speechless. not because i was scared or because i didnt know what to say but because something felt right. Its so strange to say these words out loud so i find myself writing this on a random thursday night remembering my few moments with you. i dont know if its safe to say it was love, im not sure what love actually feels like when its mutual, yet i believe my one sided like for you gradually became love over the years. it all started when we first met back in 2018 its so wierd to say that i had fallen in love with a guy that was 7 years older than me. despite knowing our age difference i truley thought that one day maybe things would be different and when im older we would live happily together like fairytails. but i was wrong. seeing you married now with children breaks my heart because i once imagined that to be us. i would always dream about you, talk about you and want to be as close as possible around you- i guess many may say its childish obsession but does obsession last 8 years without even seeing you? after you left the state i never stopped loving you, despite not ever seeing you and the possibility of forever being unable to ever see you again, i still had love for you within. i still hoped that one day, maybe one day you would return and express the same love i had for you. when i first saw you with your wife and kids i felt dizzy. i felt as if the world was sucking the blood out of me as if my life had became useless. i felt like a slut i felt like a home wrecker hoping that you would divorce your wife for me because maybe, just maybe it was love. i am now 18 and hope that you live a happy life with your family whilst my love will forever hold a palce in my heart that will never be replaced.