To Mr. MF
Hopeless Romantic
In my entire life, I have never felt like this before.
There was only one guy I was ever truly physically attracted to. There was this guy at the beach who came up to me while I was crossing the street. He told me, “Hi, I have been having a crush on you for the last 10 seconds.” Then he introduced himself and asked for my phone number.
We dated, but not for long because I was not attracted to him as a man. I was just struck by his confidence. He was young, tall and handsome, sporty, had 6-pack abs, and was very passionate about his craft. But then again, just because someone is physically perfect, that doesn’t mean I automatically fall for him. I didn’t.
But with you, I did.
And the thing is, I never thought I would like someone who had been married before, especially someone with a child. But somehow, with you, those things didn't make me stop liking you.
And that surprised me, too.
You have not shown any interest, but somehow, I am already interested in you. You aren’t even my type physically, but your calmness, your tone, and your intelligence drew me in. My eyes somehow know when you are around. You are the first person I look for every time I go to work. My heart just knows that when you are around, it feels genuine happiness.
Our little moments over text are my absolute favorite. I look at your memes every time I miss you. Ohh… I am such a hopeless romantic when it comes to you.
My heart skips a beat every time my phone rings, hoping it’s you. And when it actually is you, I swear I could die. I won’t even open the message right away. I just stare at your name on my home screen like an absolute loser.
I hate you for this!
I am such a fangirl every time we text. When you don’t respond right away, I lose my mind. And when you don’t answer at all, I start questioning everything. Like, what happened? Did I say something? Did I imagine everything? Am I just making all of this up in my head?
With the time we have had together, I am pretty sure you find me attractive, and I assumed you like me too… because I know I am beautiful. I am proud of that. Oprah once said, “If you are not full of yourself, you are doing it wrong.” So, yes, I know I’m beautiful.
But anyways…
There was one Monday when I really thought you were finally going to ask me out. You texted me, “Are you hitting the range or anything later?” And in my mind, I was like, Oh my God. This is it. He is finally going to ask me out.
I didn’t respond right away because, in my mind, you were going to ask me out, and suddenly my little crush season on you was about to become something real.
And honestly, that scared me.
Because once you show an interest in me, I already know myself. I will not stop until I get you as my man. This is the first time I have ever liked a guy this intensely, and I know that if you actually give me something to hold on to, I am going to fall hard.
But at the end of the day, you didn’t finish your thought. You were just telling me your plan.
Maybe that was your way of inviting me. Maybe you were testing the waters. Maybe you thought it was obvious.
But I like to be asked properly.
I don’t like indirect invitations. I want you to actually ask me.
Because if you are going to make me feel like this, the least you can do is have the courage to ask me out properly.
I was left disappointed and hurt because I felt like I had been rejected. I had never been rejected by a man in my entire life. The guys who like me, I don’t like, and every time I get a confession from a guy, I am usually too quick to turn it down.
But with you, I feel like I was turned down after I had given you plenty of openings.
I am finally on the other side of the road.
After this, I decided to distance myself from you.
One Saturday, I came to work and couldn’t find you. My first thought was that you went to the wedding because your stuff wasn’t on your desk. But then I saw you at the daily meeting.
I saw you.
Moments later, we were both walking in the hallway, but you were too busy to notice me. You actually turned left, and I didn’t even have the chance to say hello.
So I decided I was going to be mad at you the whole day.
I was already mad at the world by this time because I am moving to another state again!
That was your effect on me.
Later that night, we almost bumped into each other by the stairs, but we just proceeded with what we were doing without acknowledging each other.
Then I decided I was really going to be mad.
The next day came, and I knew you were scheduled at 11:00 a.m. I pulled over in the parking lot after church, but your car wasn’t there.
I am so aware of you to the point that I freaking look for your car every time I’m in the parking lot.
So I thought you were given the day off.
Around 2 p.m., I saw you upstairs talking to someone, and I was taken aback—emotionally and physically.
When I got upstairs and saw you, I physically stepped back and stood behind the rack by the service station. I was just there, completely surprised, and my heart was racing so fast like it had never happened before.
And this is the part that surprised me the most: I could actually feel my heart intensely beating just because I saw you unexpectedly.
Considering I get heart palpitations with caffeine, I never expected that simply seeing you could make my heart race like that.
I surprised myself.
Then Tuesday afternoon came.
You told me I was a little off and that you were giving me space. I felt that.
And honestly, I am so glad you found me and talked to me that Tuesday.
When you were standing next to me, I wanted to hug you.
I told you the reason I was acting that way was because leaving and moving again was giving me a hard time. You already knew that I wanted to stay in one place and finally have a life. I wanted stability. I wanted to feel settled.
And honestly, I liked you even more when you understood that.
When you told me I would get the stability I was longing for soon, something about that made me like you even more. You made me feel seen in that moment.
But I am realizing now that while I was liking you more and more, you may have simply been there because you cared about me as a person and as a coworker—not necessarily because you had feelings for me in the way I wanted you to.
And writing those words right now hurts.
I know the feeling now of liking someone who doesn’t like you back in the same way you want them to.
I don’t think I have ever really understood that feeling until now.
And as much as it hurts, I am genuinely happy that you care about me.
I really am.
And honestly, I could have had a piece of your cake when you offered it that Sunday—only if I knew it was your birthday!
One last thing. I’m writing this letter because I love journaling, and years from now, I want to come back to it and feel these feelings again. I want to remember this season of my life and what it felt like to like someone this much. If I ever decide to give this letter to you, don’t make a big fuss about it. It’s just me exploring my feelings and trying to understand myself.
You should be flattered, though, because you are the first man I have ever liked this much without you actually doing anything to make me like you!
You workaholic!
There was only one guy I was ever truly physically attracted to. There was this guy at the beach who came up to me while I was crossing the street. He told me, “Hi, I have been having a crush on you for the last 10 seconds.” Then he introduced himself and asked for my phone number.
We dated, but not for long because I was not attracted to him as a man. I was just struck by his confidence. He was young, tall and handsome, sporty, had 6-pack abs, and was very passionate about his craft. But then again, just because someone is physically perfect, that doesn’t mean I automatically fall for him. I didn’t.
But with you, I did.
And the thing is, I never thought I would like someone who had been married before, especially someone with a child. But somehow, with you, those things didn't make me stop liking you.
And that surprised me, too.
You have not shown any interest, but somehow, I am already interested in you. You aren’t even my type physically, but your calmness, your tone, and your intelligence drew me in. My eyes somehow know when you are around. You are the first person I look for every time I go to work. My heart just knows that when you are around, it feels genuine happiness.
Our little moments over text are my absolute favorite. I look at your memes every time I miss you. Ohh… I am such a hopeless romantic when it comes to you.
My heart skips a beat every time my phone rings, hoping it’s you. And when it actually is you, I swear I could die. I won’t even open the message right away. I just stare at your name on my home screen like an absolute loser.
I hate you for this!
I am such a fangirl every time we text. When you don’t respond right away, I lose my mind. And when you don’t answer at all, I start questioning everything. Like, what happened? Did I say something? Did I imagine everything? Am I just making all of this up in my head?
With the time we have had together, I am pretty sure you find me attractive, and I assumed you like me too… because I know I am beautiful. I am proud of that. Oprah once said, “If you are not full of yourself, you are doing it wrong.” So, yes, I know I’m beautiful.
But anyways…
There was one Monday when I really thought you were finally going to ask me out. You texted me, “Are you hitting the range or anything later?” And in my mind, I was like, Oh my God. This is it. He is finally going to ask me out.
I didn’t respond right away because, in my mind, you were going to ask me out, and suddenly my little crush season on you was about to become something real.
And honestly, that scared me.
Because once you show an interest in me, I already know myself. I will not stop until I get you as my man. This is the first time I have ever liked a guy this intensely, and I know that if you actually give me something to hold on to, I am going to fall hard.
But at the end of the day, you didn’t finish your thought. You were just telling me your plan.
Maybe that was your way of inviting me. Maybe you were testing the waters. Maybe you thought it was obvious.
But I like to be asked properly.
I don’t like indirect invitations. I want you to actually ask me.
Because if you are going to make me feel like this, the least you can do is have the courage to ask me out properly.
I was left disappointed and hurt because I felt like I had been rejected. I had never been rejected by a man in my entire life. The guys who like me, I don’t like, and every time I get a confession from a guy, I am usually too quick to turn it down.
But with you, I feel like I was turned down after I had given you plenty of openings.
I am finally on the other side of the road.
After this, I decided to distance myself from you.
One Saturday, I came to work and couldn’t find you. My first thought was that you went to the wedding because your stuff wasn’t on your desk. But then I saw you at the daily meeting.
I saw you.
Moments later, we were both walking in the hallway, but you were too busy to notice me. You actually turned left, and I didn’t even have the chance to say hello.
So I decided I was going to be mad at you the whole day.
I was already mad at the world by this time because I am moving to another state again!
That was your effect on me.
Later that night, we almost bumped into each other by the stairs, but we just proceeded with what we were doing without acknowledging each other.
Then I decided I was really going to be mad.
The next day came, and I knew you were scheduled at 11:00 a.m. I pulled over in the parking lot after church, but your car wasn’t there.
I am so aware of you to the point that I freaking look for your car every time I’m in the parking lot.
So I thought you were given the day off.
Around 2 p.m., I saw you upstairs talking to someone, and I was taken aback—emotionally and physically.
When I got upstairs and saw you, I physically stepped back and stood behind the rack by the service station. I was just there, completely surprised, and my heart was racing so fast like it had never happened before.
And this is the part that surprised me the most: I could actually feel my heart intensely beating just because I saw you unexpectedly.
Considering I get heart palpitations with caffeine, I never expected that simply seeing you could make my heart race like that.
I surprised myself.
Then Tuesday afternoon came.
You told me I was a little off and that you were giving me space. I felt that.
And honestly, I am so glad you found me and talked to me that Tuesday.
When you were standing next to me, I wanted to hug you.
I told you the reason I was acting that way was because leaving and moving again was giving me a hard time. You already knew that I wanted to stay in one place and finally have a life. I wanted stability. I wanted to feel settled.
And honestly, I liked you even more when you understood that.
When you told me I would get the stability I was longing for soon, something about that made me like you even more. You made me feel seen in that moment.
But I am realizing now that while I was liking you more and more, you may have simply been there because you cared about me as a person and as a coworker—not necessarily because you had feelings for me in the way I wanted you to.
And writing those words right now hurts.
I know the feeling now of liking someone who doesn’t like you back in the same way you want them to.
I don’t think I have ever really understood that feeling until now.
And as much as it hurts, I am genuinely happy that you care about me.
I really am.
And honestly, I could have had a piece of your cake when you offered it that Sunday—only if I knew it was your birthday!
One last thing. I’m writing this letter because I love journaling, and years from now, I want to come back to it and feel these feelings again. I want to remember this season of my life and what it felt like to like someone this much. If I ever decide to give this letter to you, don’t make a big fuss about it. It’s just me exploring my feelings and trying to understand myself.
You should be flattered, though, because you are the first man I have ever liked this much without you actually doing anything to make me like you!
You workaholic!
